Recording beauty.

Or trying to.

flower in rain

I love flowers. And I was trying to get that effect, where the thing you’re looking at is in focus, and the background is fuzzy. So this was using the Av (aperture priority) setting on my Canon PowerShot SX110IS.

There were some other shots.

This one almost worked. The colour isn’t quite right, I’ve tried to tweak, but I don’t think I’m doing it right.

bluebell raindrop

What I need to know is whether it’s worth persevering with the camera I have, or whether I should be saving pennies for something better (a bridge maybe? I can’t see that I would manage to carry a DSLR when I’m dealing with two small children) and just enjoying this one as an excellent point and shoot.

Thoughts? Advice? Camera links? (Ideas on where I raise the money?)

Day 2.

This imperfect life is the life we have. How does it feel to embrace that?

It’s hard. I want to believe that I can just tweak this or change that and suddenly my life will be completely different. I’m wishing away my children’s childhoods, frittering away my best years with them when what I have to change is my attitude rather than my surroundings.

Acceptance is going to take time I think, but is absolutely the best use of my energy.

Which isn’t to say that I’m going to stop trying to change my environment, I will be continuing, but with a spirit of acceptance instead of avoidance and denial.

Day 1: my touchstones, my loves.

I’ve chosen my touchstones. Supposed to be things that we had already – this is a motley collection of little beads and two herb jars. Cheap, cheerful and above all small. Downsizing in action.

Why am I doing this?

Because I need to. Because I’ve reached the end of my tether, got tired of my tightrope. Because it is time to find myself so that I can be myself and be the woman, mother, lover, person I know I can be.